How can you forgive a cheating husband?

My husband told me the other truth- when I saw inappropriate physical contact with one of his friends.I asked him and told him that this hurt my feelings and instead of just saying sorry ,he just kept insisting that ..there is nothing wrong in hugging,holding hands and kissing the friend .It is just friendship.


Aster fighting and asking the truth behind this,he told me that he slept with one of his former colleage.He made love.Spent the night,kissed ,hugged and did all the other things which he did to me as a wife.


He hid it from me for the past 8-9 months and telling me one fine day when i asked him about the friend issue.He says it was a one time thing ..and won't do it again.


How can i trust him.?


How can I have the same intimate feelings with him?


How can I love him the way I did and not reminded of this betrayal?


How do I get past the picture of him making love to another person and now touching me or making love to me.?


How do I believe anything he says and does?


Help me.Advise

How can you forgive a cheating husband?
Ouch. That is something that is going to take alot of hard work. That depends on how bad you want to keep your marriage together. He really did you dirty sweetheart. He really did. But you need to talk to him, and ask him WHY he wanted to cheat on you, and why he went through with it.





I'ma tell you right now, it's going to hurt like hell to go into his mind and find out the real reason why he did what he did. And it's going to hurt some more. BUT, it will put at ease other worries. Because once you find out why he did cheat, you can decide if the marriage is worth saving. If e says something like he doesn't feel like a man when he's with you, or things in the bedroom are "boring" those are things that you can fix as a wife/woman. But that will NEVER excuse what he did to you. You need to inform him that he needs to tell you what he wants. His needs, what needs to be fullfilled, and if he feels disresepcted by you (and you need to do the same)





You need to tell him that you aren't a mind reader, and that if he wants something, lets say in the bedroom, that he needs to tell you. Or that if he just feels crappy, that he needs to speak up!!!!!! Just as we don't excpect them to know whats on our minds, he shouldn't expect you to know whats on his mind.





You need to talk with him, without crying, about how you feel. That he deeply hurt you, and how he violated your vows...
Reply:Just went through this with a serious boyfriend. Instead of easing the pain he made the admission as painful as possible. You wont be able to forget unless you lose your mind. I personally cant forgive cheating. If I have given a person my love, devotion, kindness and I am betrayed and humiliated they no longer deserve me. I dont expect anymore than what I give. I do believe the statement, once a cheater always a cheater, I think its part of a person's core personality traits. DUMP HIM AND DONT BE A DOORMAT.
Reply:Normally I would tell you that everyone is human and they make mistakes. I would tell you to see if you could forgive. This time I'm telling you to walk away. Part of healing from an affair requires the cheater to show genuine remorse and apologize for wronging the person they cheated on. It sounds to me like he is not the least bit sorry for his actions. It's almost as though he is justifying them. Walk away before he starts blaming you for the affair. My husband was geniunly sorry. He couldn't do enough to make things right for me. He assured me that he was the stupid one and none of it was my fault. I forgave him. Ultimately the choice is yours. Best of Luck to you.
Reply:You just don't. Obviously he thinks this behavior is ok.
Reply:I am so sorry that you are going through this and i know how you feel because it has happen so many times to a friend of mine and i hate to know that someone else is going through the same thing and it is like i always say once he has done something wrong like cheating it will happen again he will not stop because he knows where he can go if knowone else wants him and when he is with you you will never trust him again and when you have to be his wife you will never forget and you will never feel the same you will never know when he is telling you the truth or not ,,so my best advice to you is tell him that if he don't grow up and be your husband then tell him that you will never fell the same way towards him again and you marriage will be ended ,,,take care of you and good luck
Reply:It needs a very brave and large heart to forgive - the choice is yours.
Reply:Dump him.
Reply:If he still loved you and did not wish to lose you he would never have told you - but he did. Obviously he is prepared for the worst. Woud you stay with someone who does not love you anymore?
Reply:I do not think you should even try. Once the trust is destroyed in a relationship the relationship is over. There is no way that you will ever feel the same about him.





He does not respect you or he would not have cheated. He also said that he "made love" with another woman. If he is in love with you how could he make love with another woman?





No matter how I look at it he is not your best friend, you cannot trust him, he does not respect you and he is not in love with you. There is no relationship left. Divorce him and go find someone to create a real relationship with.





Take care and Good Luck,


Troy
Reply:You dont. Anything else would be pretending on your part. And sooner or later, you will go crazy, leave him, or both.....
Reply:oh you can't forgive him until he understands he did something inappropriate....
Reply:Time to move on.......once a cheater, always a cheater. Get rid of him.
Reply:I could never forgive mine if he cheated on me and I told him in NO uncertain terms that I am looking at Jail time and he is looking at a shallow grave if I even SUSPECT him of it.
Reply:I don't know how to do any of those things, because if my husband were to cheat I would not be able to forgive him. Your husband has no love and no respect for you if he did that and then kept it from you for so long. It's disgusting, and you deserve better. I'm so sorry this happend to you.
Reply:First you have to decide if the marriage is worth holding on to. Don't sacrifice your happiness if he's not willing to change and prove to you that he is fully committed to you.





I would suggest counseling...maybe try going by yourself first so you can figure out what is best for you. Then if you decide you would like to save the marriage, bring your husband in for a session or two to figure out the reasoning behind his actions.





And if both you and your husband are on the same page about working the marriage out...everything will be find. Don't worry all the pain and heartbreak will heal over time.
Reply:By dumping him and finding a real man. You deserve to meet a real human with morality.
Reply:Wow, i know this might hurt but he prob. just lost interest in you. do you guys have kids together?


If you really love him and you know him better then anyone, then you should know if he really wants to try to work things out. just give it time.


If he does it again leave.


though if i were you i leave now.


i hope everything gets better :)
Reply:Well, I don't suggest you try and re-trust him as if nothing happened, I suggest you be honest with yourself and face the facts before you do anything else.


-he was inappropriately touching a colleage in your face


-he tried to pretend that it was nothing and you were over-reacting, when in fact it was just the opposite.


-he slept with her, and lied about it.


-even after the fact he continued to be in close contact with the colleage.


WHEW!!!


That is alot to swallow.


Now with that being said, he is asking you to believe that it was a one time event, and it won't happen again, as if he his word is honorable? He says that with great authority of his emotions, when it is clear he is not in control as he thinks. So why should you as the wife believe he is in control dispite the evidence that shows he is not. Truth is, its just not logical at this time, maybe in the future but not now, and also lets keep in mind that he broke the bond of trust, and he should repair it, not just ask me to overlook and excuse your behavior because you said so.


So I say take your time, be honest with yourself, and in time if you can trust him, it will come. But don't rush it just to get things back on track, bc apparently they been off track for quite some time.
Reply:He will probably do it again. It will be very hard to trust him unless he admits what he did was wrong. #1, he hid it from you. #2, he probably would never have told you if you had not insisted. #3, he doesn't believe what he did was wrong.





These are all VERY good reasons why I would NOT trust him. I would leave him unless you are okay with continuing your marriage in such a way. You can always try marriage counseling IF he is willing to go and stick with it. Good luck.
Reply:Divorce him
Reply:Well if he see's that it bothers you that he's hugging other women and doesn't stop, and tries to justify it... It seems that he's taking you for granted... Like you'll alwais be there no matter what, and that's not so good for you.





How can i trust him.? You need to make it clear to him that if he want's to stay with you there are things you will not put up him doing any longer. Things such as touching and holding other women. When you just give give give... It gets boring.





How can I have the same intimate feelings with him? Maybe you can't .. only time will tell.





How can I love him the way I did and not reminded of this betrayal? It will take alot of time and maybe the scars will never heal.





How do I get past the picture of him making love to another person and now touching me or making love to me.? Can you? if not maybe you should think and weigh your other options..





How do I believe anything he says and does? He needs to show you he's serious about you... But sounds as if he doesn't think what he did was very wrong so... I doubt he will.
Reply:Unfortunately you will soon learn..once a cheater..liar...always a cheater...liar! You should do yourself a favor and get rid of him now! Find your self respect and ditch him. Also go to the doctor and get checked for STD's and AID's monthly ...if you are going to stay with him.
Reply:you can't. once a cheater always a cheater. you're under the false assumption that people change. they do not.





you either need to accept the fact that he cheats and let him do so, and subsequently cheat on him, or you need to divorce him.





trying to change him is wishful thinking.
Reply:To be perfectly honest with you..no one can really get over something like that. Nothing is ever going to be same as before and deep down you know that it NEVER will. I had the exact same experience and i couldn't take it. So i'm thinkiing that if you felt how i felt, then the pictures will continue throughout the marriage and even if when you two don't stay together. I'm sorry but i wouldn't try to believe anything he says or does because in your situation you can actually see the betrayal right in front of your face when he flirts and touches other women. So my advise is to not trust him ever again.
Reply:Oh my god thats horrible. Its like getting kicked in the stoumach and having your heart ripped out of you. Does he want to work things out? I couldn't leave my man when I caughing him at the other womans house. I couldn't do it. I forgave him it took some time for us to move on and put things behind us. He swore up and down it would never happen again. A year later I found out threw a co worker he had fooled around with two of the girls he worked with recently. And I thought to myself how many more that I don't know about? Thought he said it would be the end of it, but it never was. He contintued to cheat. Maybe once a year but he did it. And I really tormented myself more by being with him. Because you won't have the same intimate feelings, you won't be abel to trust thim, your won't believe anything he says and you'll stress yourself out over this situation and put more time into it than needed. You'd be better off singe like I was and today I now have a wonderful man and I do trust again. Took a very long time though
Reply:How did you feel about him before you knew of this betrayal?


You have the power to let other people affect you. The cheating has nothing to do with you. It was his mistake. You can not control it. If he does it again, it still has nothing to do with you.





You have to decide if this is something you can live with. Communicate with your husband and tell him how you feel to help you work through it.
Reply:Unfortunately the problem is now yours. Now you are the fool unless you turn your back and permanently leave this horrible excuse of a mate. he does not deserve your love. You will never trust him solely. Why stay? I know you may love him, but love is evidently not enough for him to be true to you. He will betray you again down the road, I promise! This next time unless you catch him again, you will never know. Come on and get your back bone and get away from him.
Reply:Honey he has no remorse,


he doesn't feel bad about it and thinks its oK and has decided not to change , and continues the same behavior that got him into trouble in the first place.





-- LEAVE its the only way.





M
Reply:You can't. leave him!!!
Reply:Easy. You take ownership that you are one of the reasons he cheated. When he comes home tonight, you cook him dinner, you take a shower, wear nothing but a robe, meet him at the door and drop to her knees. Do this and other things you use to do to him when you first got married, and he won't cheat anymore.
Reply:You will never trust him again, believe me...been there and done that, you will either have to learn to forgive with time, or leave him.





Good Luck with your decision.